Hibernation of The Health Exchange Week Two

So, having said all that, the question now rests on this - for a woman whose life is business, who was I going to be?

Whilst I pondered this “meaning of life” type question I was distracted by the skin on my arms.  Usually a glowing red, inflamed colour with varying degrees of dryness or cuts from scratching {due to the heat radiating outwards} or even flaking dry skin as a sign of healing … it glowed a skin colour, my pale skin colour that is!  It had shown signs of this “normality” in the past but not lasted more than 10-15 days.  As I pondered this on day 11 “since my last massage” I concluded {though not closed in my analysis} that my work as a massage therapist was possibly exacerbating my life-long condition of skin eczema! The 10 to 15 days respite I recalled was pinpointed to my trip to New Zealand for my Postpartum Care Doula Workshop last September.  I can also recall several days of diarrhoea whilst there.  Both inflammation of skin and diarrhoea are “heat” conditions known as an excess of the Pitta Dosha. It is possible that my “holiday” was a good treatment for my eczema and allowed my body to “excrete” the excess heat through organs other than my skin. I was starting to “de-stress”. Therefore, this 6-month term of Maternity leave could be a good opportunity for my skin and my overall health to improve!  An excellent side thought to the real question at hand today!

However, it did spark a thought – maybe I will not return to Massage once I can reopen my Business?  But the question of “who am I” still rang like tinnitus in my ears.  If I am not a Massage Therapist, who am I?  But I love doing massages; what I don’t like is the carrying of equipment to home visits – massage table, suite case and small bag IN the car, OUT the car, UP the stairs, DOWN the stairs or ACROSS the road if I could not get a close enough car park!  I love massaging the client when I get there … but set up the table, put the towels on, warm up the oil, undress the table, put it back into the case {buggar the zipper is broken} etc etc.  My clients on an Aged Care Package would not get their massage if I did not do home visits.  But who says that is true?  There may not be many of us out there but there are some who do home visits.  Maybe they would still get their massages … Just not mine!?!?

I do recall, when I was younger and naiver {like in my 40’s}, thinking that I would be too old for home visits when I was 50.  At 52 it is not the physical work holding me back but the nagging child in my head who doesn’t want to play that game anymore!  Maybe after Maternity Leave, she will have been pacified and I can just get on with Massaging clients in the comfort of their own homes??  That is something to think about.

Massaging in clinic does not have the same exhausted glasses upon it.  In fact, more clients and more days in clinic would be good!  I have been working on Saturdays and Sundays in clinic using the rest of the week for home visits, reception work/practice manager or “pseudo days/hours off”.  I don’t really have a day off.  What would I do without family commitments to pull me in all directions other than work?  There is the question again – who am I, if I am not my business?

I don’t want to sound like I am only a Massage Therapist because I am bigger than that!  When I started business 20 years ago, massage was the stepping-stone to getting started and Naturopathic studies was what I placed in my future.  As it turned out, my first subject in a Diploma of Nutrition {another stepping-stone to Naturopathy} introduced me to Ayurveda, the ancient Medicine of India; and that became the NEW ME!  It did take over 10 years for me to advance my plans of becoming an Ayurvedic Practitioner; I started the Advanced Diploma on my 47th Birthday and completed it before my 50th with the view that I would not have to massage after 50!! 

The Ayurvedic Universe is so big and so intricate, I was foolish to think 3 years was enough to know what I am talking about!!  The remedial treatments were up my alley along with daily routines; however, the diagnosis process, herbal medicine and nutrition was a bit too much for my synapses to store and so my confidence as a Practitioner sits under the massage table!  It did however, open a world of postpartum care with rituals and traditions common to the East & Indigenous Cultures and long lost to our Western Ecosphere.  I had never had an interest in having babies {outside of husband thoughts} or thinking about mumma’s after childbirth, as that lifestyle never really crossed my path.  I am not an Aunt and girlfriends who have had babies disappeared into another realm once kids were born.  I suppose it is that thing about “not sharing the same lifestyle anymore”.  While Pregnancy Massage has been a service of mine since I studied Massage and then up-qualified in both 2011 and 2019 for this, postpartum massage was never a thing – I recall complaining that once my pregnant clients had a baby I never saw them until they were pregnant again!  Now I know why!!  I made sure to participate in the Postnatal Massage Workshop last year too.

I felt that after studying how some Cultures view the 40 days following childbirth {otherwise known as ‘The Fourth Trimester’} as a time of Rest & Rejuvenation for mumma and time for family to bond with baby, compared to my limited knowledge of Australian/British/American mums being discharged from hospital 2-3 days after birth and back at work 3-6 weeks later, shock waves ricocheted down my spine!  How could we be so stupid to treat our mothers like this?

A new world opened up for me – the world of a “Birth Doula”, who’s work supports parents in the journey to parenthood across the threshold of childbirth; and the “Postpartum Care Doula” who ‘mothers the mother’ for 6-12 weeks depending on her needs and how the birth unfolded, ensuring she rests & eats nourishing foods to repair the “damage” to her health 40 weeks of pregnancy imposed, as well as the “strain” and effect on hormones & immunity giving birth does to a woman’s body.  Suddenly I could see myself as a Grandmother!

I have given myself the following titles at the end of my emails:
Ayurvedic Traditional Medicine Woman                                                                                                                       Doula                                                                                                                                                                                       Pregnancy Massage Practitioner                                                                                                                                       Massage Therapist                                 

The question is whether this describes ‘what I do’ or describes ‘who I am’?  It is easy to say it is what I do of course, but deep down it is also who I am – I am a Massage Therapist and what I do is turn your concrete muscles into marshmallow; I am a Doula and what I do is support mumma’s recover from pregnancy and childbirth so they can be healthy again … and produce another child! I am an Ayurvedic Traditional Medicine Woman and what I do is apply the principles of Ayurveda to our modern, chaotic, busy life to give you some tips on exchanging your poor health for good health .. or good health for greater heath!  After all, I am The Health Exchange!

I find it interesting that however I look at it, I am still defined by the work of the businesses I created.  Am I wearing a box over my head?  Is it a problem to wear a box over my head?  If you want me to describe my personal characteristics I would say things like caring {that’s my Kapha Dosha}, sensitive {that will be the part hidden by the bold, bushfire, leadership qualities of Aries} and determined {that is Pitta Dosha meets Aries in the dark of the night and does a deal!}.  Is that the answer to the question or is there more to me than words can describe?

They say, “a picture tells 1000 words” and that is really unhelpful in a 4-page Essay to the question “who am I really”?  Maybe the question is not designed to be answered but only pondered?  Well I have 6 months Maternity Leave {minus 2 weeks} to do that.  Let us see at the end of that time, what is in the future for my business and the services I provide my community.  Maybe then the box will be lifted and the exhausted glasses de-fogged.  Maybe then life will look clearer.
 
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I stood at my wardrobe and wondered what to put on today.  The decision is usually based on whether I have a massage or not.  I purchased “scrub” tops from a Nursing website because they have pockets and a flexible material.  They are also cool to wear and the oil washes off easier than my other clothes.  But today there is no massage, so what do I put on?  I decide to go for the new scrub that does not have my logo embroidered yet.  I am staying home anyway so what does it matter?  You hear the stories of men who dress up for work and leave the house the same time every morning even though they have been made redundant but could not bring themselves to tell their wife.  Was this what I was doing?  In denial that my business had closed?  Or is it just that I chose these work clothes for comfort, as I wear them practically 7 days a week, and to now wear something “less comfortable” just because I am in hibernation seems non-sensical? I really didn’t care – I liked that top and that was my decision!
 
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What is all this sadness around?  Am I in denial?  The radio plays sad music to reflect listeners emotions.  The TV or Facebook or people texting me have this underlying negative layer of being in isolation with their query “Are you OK?”. “Yes, I’m great thank you!”  In my perspective, unless you are COVID-19 positive or have a family member with it and is in hospital or intensive care, what is there to be sad about?  Certainly, I was anxious 3 weeks ago when I did not know what the future held for my business.  Now, hey, work?  This is early retirement.  I’m having a great holiday.  Getting my sleep in, watching movies, making films, writing my heart out … A friend texted me: “How are you coping?”. My response? “Doing well.  Benefits of living alone.  Clinic is closed so house is now my home taken over by cats and just stuff!  I’ve been making films and writing blogs.  Going to start filming a stretching program today … as a reward for two lots of dishes and a long walk!!  How are you?”

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With Easter in the middle of my Week Two it has been interesting.  My usual Easter Sunday is filled with cooking a roast and hosting “leftover” friends, that is people without family to celebrate Easter with, mostly my aged friends.  In the lead up to Easter, there was all this community talk about how difficult it could be, would be, should be … I called my two main guests on Wednesday last week and said “I would like to make you a roast lunch for Sunday and bring it around to you for you to enjoy by yourself.  Is that OK?”  I have an excellent reputation for roasts as I have been practicing for years on my friends!  They were of course a yes, so I took their preferred order of meat and vegetables and set off shopping.  One was a roast lamb with roast potatoes and pumpkin with steamed corn, peas and broccoli {don’t forget the mint sauce} and the other a roast pork with roasted vegetables including potatoes, pumpkin, capsicum, carrot and broccoli {don’t forget the apple sauce}.  No dramas.  So, Easter Saturday I set about making apple sauce, fresh ghee and the stewed fruit casserole desert.  By Sunday morning I was up at 7am putting the roasts on for their 4 to 5-hour cook.  The lamb, being the smaller of the two, was pretty much done in 2.5 hours and the pork was falling apart after 5 hours, as I cut it for delivery.  The real complement for my cooking {whilst both guests were very appreciative of the free “Meals on Wheels”} was the fact that my cat Angel, who had all his teeth removed one week earlier and was experiencing challenges eating everything I gave him, hoed into the roast pork like it was his last meal !!  Ah, finally, he’s going to be OK!!

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Now ending Week Two leaves me with that feeling of “I don’t want to go back to work”.  I’m not yet, of course, but there must be a memory deep in my cells that is suggesting the 14-day holiday is over and one returns to work.  What is extra ordinary about this feeling is that a “resting holiday” of 14 days has not appeared in my calendar for some time.  There was the trip to NZ last year but that was a “working holiday” for most part; in 2018 I drove to Grafton with Lynney and her mum but that was pretty much working with many days of driving and a few days rest followed by a flight home with her mum; there was the 2 weeks in NZ in 2017 for our 10 days of intensive practicals for the Advanced Diploma, a “working holiday”; there was the 4 weeks I took in 2016 to drive to Brisbane 4 days up and 4 days back with 3 weeks of intensive practicals for the Ayurveda diploma so that was a “working holiday”; maybe the 3 weeks over Christmas is what my body is thinking, even though my home visits and other clinic massages always sneak in here and there.  Maybe it is way in my past like when I had a full-time job 1996-97.    I definitely did not want to return to that job!  Otherwise the only thought I have is that it is actually deep in my DNA and it is my father or Grandfathers experience of holidays and not wanting to return.  I choose the patriarchal side as mum was a farmer who never got holidays!  She did work for an English family for 5 years (thus my training in Roast Lunch) and I do recall her saying her holiday over Christmas 1955 found her home with her mother in Italy and not wanting to leave again for her new life in England!  Fortunately, she did return to work or her future of meeting Dad, travelling the world and having me would not have happen.  Maybe that is the cellular memory suggesting a displeasure with retuning to work?  Maybe I just don’t want to play ‘Business Games’ anymore?  Time will tell, I guess.
 
Miss Sophia Cull                                                                                                                                                               Ayurvedic Traditional Medicine Woman | Doula | Pregnancy Massage Practitioner |                                  Writer | Poet | Film Maker