I am a Massage Therapist and it has been 18 days since my last massage. It is amazing – my forearm muscles are like marshmallow and my skin is looking great! My theory is this ~ the muscles of my forearms get tighter with each massage and that blocks the circulation of heat, which then becomes stagnant and leads to hot, red, itchy, dry, inflamed skin. No massage ~ no inflammation!!
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It is the 19th of April today and I cannot remember whose birthday it is. Two boyfriends from my 1990’s had April birthdays, one on the 10th and one on the 19th. I cannot recall which is which, so I send a “Happy Birthday” call to them both via the Ether. No, Ether, not Ethernet or Internet! I have not spoken to one since the turn of the Century or there soon after and the other about 10-12 years ago. When both turned 50, two and four years ago, I felt a yearning to make contact, but my friends persuaded me it was not a good idea. They were probably looking from their wife’s perspective! Anyway, Happy Birthday Boys … Old Men!!
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It is nice to see so many people out and about for a walk. Dogs would never have dreamed such an opportunity could arise for them. I hope the exercise continues for the humans once the Pandemic is “over”, but I feel sorry for the household pets whose life will suddenly be reversed again. Take my cats for instance. Olivia demands my attention and her cuddles almost all my waking hours now. I know I have spoiled her, but she is 16 years old and I have never had a cat that old before! I recall my first cat Brandy was demanding of my attention when I was focused on my Year 12 studies and I spoke quite gruffly to her in a rebuff. Within days (or a week), she passed away at the age of 13. You can imagine how that guilt of 35 years now allows for Olivia to get what she wants & when she wants it! I was doing stretches on the floor last night and she saw it as an opportunity to plant herself on my chest. She regularly joins me when I sit on the massage chair and she has become accustomed to the jiggers and movements of the machine that she just looks like an anchored boat out at sea. As for Willow – let me in, let me out, let me in, ah snack food, let me out. Angel is probably hanging out for his life to return to a time when mummy was not home and taking him to the Vet so often. One more visit today darling, just to check your mouth is healing from the teeth extraction. And it is OK, Olivia goes tomorrow and Willow the day after. Then we are all square!
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My unemployment benefit has not kicked in yet – I am still waiting for the call from Centrelink. This Wednesday marks 4 weeks since I registered. If they have not lost my paperwork, there is $2000 in Government pockets waiting to make its way into mine. I have also not heard from the authorities confirming I can access my Superannuation. That was meant to be possible from mid-April, just passed. It is all a waiting game!
Things change by the day in this COVID-19 “lockdown” and I am now included in the Governments Job Keeper allowance. That means I can say goodbye to the Job Seeker allowance that has not started and hello to a raise of $250 per week that I did not think I would get, that also has not started! It is all good in theory. At least for the latter, my Accountant is onto it so that may not only speed things up, I feel I have an advocaat and I am not left dumped in a gutter to fend for myself.
That was an interesting statement arise from my subconscious mind – “I feel like I have been dumped in the gutter and asked to fend for myself”. Yes, that could be an accurate description of a deep stored emotion. I may not have found it if I did not let my hands freely type this Week 3 Diary of Hibernation. Let me explore that with myself for a moment. “A feeling of being dumped in the gutter and left to fend for myself”. I was “ordered”, you could say, to close my business to reduce the spread of COVID-19. I “willingly” abided because I can understand the reasoning and many of my clients are on an aged care package. Massage cannot be conducted at a 1.5-meter distance and there is a level of trust of “cleanliness” of both therapist and client present for a “hands-on”, “skin-to-skin (gloves from my perspective)” treatment. Breathing within 1.5 meters of each other is another factor. I was offering some of my clients the option to cancel their appointments before the Government put Massage on this list. Some took the option and “cancelled for now” while others said, “I’ll take the chance”.
So, if it is a Government directive that I have been ‘prepared for’ and ‘happy to follow’, where is this feeling of “being dumped in the gutter and left to fend for myself” coming from? Is it because the “promised” funding support has not materialised? Is the isolation and limited contact with the outside world having me feel the repercussions of a single-woman lifestyle years before its destined manifestation? That is a thought, isn’t it? Do I feel those with a husband at home to navigate the financial challenges, better positioned than myself? Is it the “husband” factor for support I am missing? It is not like I have ever had a husband to take the pain of managing finances; it has always been my pain to deal with. It was hard enough, in 1996, to let the boyfriend of the time drive my car whilst I sat in the passenger seat because that was like “giving control” to him, a stereotypical thing that occurs in (some) relationships. One that I was always adamant was never going to happen – my car, I drive! Your car – you drive! So, is it about control? Is it about support? Do I feel unsupported as a single-middle-aged-woman, living alone with 3 (dependant) cats? I think I am getting closer.
“A feeling of being dumped in the gutter and left to fend for myself” is the statement that appeared on the page. How accurate is that feeling now (I am checking in with myself!). Well, the “left to fend for myself” could reflect the nature of my singlehood. Yes, I possibly do feel alone and the lack of face to face contact with my regular team of Moyez, Evelyn and Taya and my regular clients, could be a contributing factor. As for “dumped in the gutter”, is that my internal drama queen speaking or reflective of my cleaning lady retiring again leaving me to clean up after myself? I am not sure, but the pull of emotion has diminished as I have explored the statement and deconstructed it. If nothing else, you might have got a tip for how to deal with yourself when you randomly speak or think something inconsistent with your outer Self! Question where it comes from rather than accept it at face value, as we should with all News Media these days!
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Whilst this looks like a smaller Blog than the past two, I feel I should end it here or I will be writing it into Week 4! I have filmed and edited three Films in the last week with 2-3 more sitting side stage. I have a lot more on my list including cleaning up but I think I will start with ironing the curtains I washed. I picked up the DVD of My Fair Lady the other day with a view to watching it whilst ironing. I know the songs so well I thought it would be the best film to watch while operating heavy machinery! That is to say, I do not need to watch the screen. I did not realise it was Audrey Hepburn who starred in that film as I was thinking it was Julie Andrews – she was in The King and I and The Sound of Music. No, I just Googled, not The King and I … that was Deborah Kerr. Golly gosh I had my three women confused. Besides all being musicals, at least the latter two is about being a Governess (or Servant depending on your view) to multiple children. I also learned from my Google that The King and I was a Rogers & Hammerstein Production. Wow, what we can learn from Google when we have hours upon hours to entertain ourselves!! So anyway, I think after dinner I will put on the DVD and iron my curtains! Until next week, take care!
Miss Sophia Cull Ayurvedic Traditional Medicine Woman | Doula | Pregnancy Massage Practitioner |
Writer | Poet | Film Maker